The lack of an "Elder" brother

My elder brother has always hated me....He's like 27 years old now, but he has kept up the same rude habit. He's a cousin, but all I can say is that I loved him. My friends had tiny little brothers who would stare at me with their large innocent eyes, and they even had elder brothers who would look down at me with a mature look that proved that they'd do anything to protect their little sister!


But sadly, I am not the pot that has the suitable amount of water. I've longed to have a brother who would care for me and love me. I've always wanted to hold my elder brothers hand and walk with him.....But this never happened.

He always hurt me, pinched me, and he used harsh language to address me. Not that he's been a great success in his life. He was a failure in his school and at his job now, well it's the affluent life that applies.
But I always cared for him, it made me shed tears sometimes to feel that my elder brother is loser...
Whenever my mother had to put up an example of someone who has been unsuccessful in life, she'd take my brother as an example. How I wish she'd say "Dear, look at your brother! He is so successful now! You must study hard and be a good person like him!", but instead she says "Do you want to be like your brother who is a living failure? It will do you no good as people will disrespect you just as they do to him!"


But lately I've made some male friends in a social network who act as my brother. Although they always claim themselves as my friend, but I look up to them as an elder brother. They never make fun of me, they accept me as who I am, and they always listen to what I  have to say! But alas! That's only a social network....I am pretty sure that we'll never be so close and share the relationship of brother and sister in real life.


It makes me sad, but in this life there are so many more hurdles that I have to jump without tripping. If life is a compulsory exam in which I must pass, then I shall have to force my soul to do so....
But I still wish, my elder brother would care.......